"Help, my tween has started to refuse to do his schoolwork. He does sloppy work, and sometimes he's lying about being done..."
One more too-long comment on a FB post...
I have a 13yob. He is as far from disobedient as a kid ever could be. He's intelligent, kind, and very, very self-disciplined. He just tested for his 2nd-degree black belt in Taekwondo and spends about 30 hours each week in the dojo helping to teach less-advanced students (both kids and adults). Still, he is always doing his schoolwork on time. He is an awesome kid. BUT he has two older brothers... ...and let's just say, I know pretty well what you're going through... Though now, at 18 and 19, they're starting to get their acts together. So, I still have good hope for them...
Anyway, last year this then 12-year-old boy really wanted to do his math with excellence. He could solve any problem in his book if he only had to do one at a time, but he could not get the ten right in a row that the curriculum required for a passing grade. Even when he sat next to me trying, trying, trying, he ended up with two or three wrong. His brain just couldn't do ten problems in a row! If he took a break after a few problems to jump on the trampoline for ten minutes, then he could focus again and get another two or three right. For most of the school year, math was a mess. His spelling was also outrageous. No matter what spelling rules he tried to learn, he just couldn't remember any of them.
School started to get easier again a couple of months after he turned 13, but instead, he began to crave social interactions. He could do anything just to be with friends, in real life, or online; it didn't matter. He just had to have someone to interact with. Now we are another couple of months down the lane. He has had a lot of activities during the summer break, so it's a bit better; he doesn't feel as alone as he did in May. And it is easier for him to let go of his gaming friends when I remind him of bedtime.
Six or seven years ago, his brothers were this age. Their problems include things like ASD and ADD, both of them intelligent but lacking in self-control and emotional regulation... Let me tell you, life as a homeschool mom was a mess. The chargers and keyboards to their computers were locked into a cupboard until they showed me proof of being done with their school work. They had to narrate each book they read, show me everything they wrote, every math problem they solved before I took out the key and let them have those chargers and keyboards. And they both had at least an hour of P.E on the schedule, e.v.e.r.y. d.a.y!
Looking back, I can see all three boys struggled with the same issues at the same age, but this third kid pulled the longest straw in the genetic lottery of our family, so he's had a very easy ride compared to his older brothers. It seems to be hard to be a 12-year-old boy. I don't remember much from those years; maybe it is hard to be a 12-year-old girl as well? I don't know. But I know my boys have needed all the love and grace and mercy I could find within myself, and then some!
Love him, cuddle him - if he allows you to, use very few words, lots of sleep, lots of real food, lots of exercise, and fresh air. Always make sure he's not afraid to tell you the truth. A truthful no is a hundred times better than a deceitful yes! Tell him almost anything goes, even sweeping streets for a living, but not being dishonest because a dishonest man is a disgrace to himself.
Schoolwork will eventually have to be done if he wants his high school transcript; we simply added a year of school for our two oldest to compensate for the work they didn't do during those hard middle school years...
Driving is only possible with gas in the car, and gas costs money, and money comes from working.
My 19 yo figured out that equation all by himself when he found a girlfriend...
Children's author Astrid Lindgren said: Give the kids plenty of love and then some more love, and common sense will grow by itself.
Love him, but don't bend yourself over to suit him. Reassure him often that you have good hope for him; his brain will eventually mature, and if he keeps practicing, he will be more and more able to focus and get his work done. If he used to be a "good student," he might even be scared about what is happening to him... Tell him his brain is rebuilding itself for adult life; he will be ok. But right now, he doesn't have much executive functioning capacity.
Inga kommentarer:
Skicka en kommentar